Toby’s Column... The DogFather Hello Readers,
Ah, my midday nap. How much fun...being transfurred to a darkly lit room, I hear voices. Vito is speaking to a nervous suit with a brim hat. “Tony..., Tony..., Tony...! How often I gotta tell you, it’s time. You gotta pay your respects to the DogFather for settin’ you up in the business. He ain’t goin’ to like you passin’ on the opportunity to acknowledge his concern for you and the missus.”
Sweat pours from Tony’s brow as he replies, “Sure Vito, I am indebted to the DogFather, but just havin’ to see him causes me to lose all sense of confidence an’ wonderin’ if he is sizin’ me up for a cement suit.”
“Tony..., Tony..., Tony...! The dogfather wants all of the family to be happy, and that means you, too. Now go in and give him your regards, and just for old times, let me take care of your piece till you get out,” replies Vito.
In the next darkly lit room, I am sitting in my burgundy red leather swivel chair with the bone armrests behind the mahogany desk holding a Venetian glass ash tray with a big Cuban emitting a cloudy aroma. I am wearing my silk black suit with white shirt and red tie. My ruby ring of the Sicilian order of the loyal canines is on my third claw of my left front paw. I pack a part of a dog biscuit into each cheek to give me an older, wiser appearance. Tony meekly walks in and glides over to me, kissing the ring and saying, “DogFather, I hope I find you well today!”
“Tony..., Tony..., Tony...! You are like my own son. You bring me the light of happiness with the smile on you face,” I reply.
He sheepishly generates that smile and breathes a sigh of relief. “Dogfather, I have come to thank you for the opportunity you have given me to have a place in the organization. My skills are tuned to building the getaway cars with the breakneck acceleration due to the battery electric drive. There is no job which cannot benefit from the performance of these vehicles.”
“How about the range?” I ask. Tony tries to still his wrenching hands of the nervousness and replies, “Do not be concerned as I have loaded enough batteries in it to do at least 70 miles, enough to get us to the exchange car which will remove the scent for the Heat.” “Good Job Tony,” I reply. “You should be seeing enough business to keep you busy.”
“Well DogFather, that is the rub. So far I have thirty getaway cars built in the showroom, but no potential customers. What am I doing wrong?”
“Tony,...” I reply, “...you are not doing things wrong, you just need to get the word out.” “And just how does that get done DogFather?” Tony asks.
“Tony..., Tony..., Tony...!” Says I. “... You need to advertise in Batteries Digest. People who are looking for new information are visiting there.” Tony replies, “Yes, DogFather, but do I advertise in the Newsletter or on the Website?” “Tony..., Tony..., Tony... You can get an annual contract which allows advertisers to simultaneously get ad space in the Newsletter and the website.” says I.
“DogFather, I thought we were getting out of ‘contracts’ with the new business model!” Tony exclaims. “Yes, but this is only a contract where you pay cash for the ad space for the year,” I tell him. With a sigh of relief, Tony asks, “but will this get to my type of customer?”
“Tony..., Tony..., Tony... The big hitters show up for this information. BD has readers making seven and eight figures; many of whom I might add, actually pay taxes on that roll.” I say. “But how about the banks?” Tony asks. “ No banks, a few venture capitalists, and now and then some Wall Street Analysts, but you are safe from the banks.” I reply. Tony breathes a sigh of relief and then says, “DogFather, I have my best getaway car fitted with double wall bulletproof glass and steel panels downstairs. It would make me happy to see you use it as a token of my gratitude.”
“Thank you, Tony, your mamma has raised a good boy.”
Pop! I am awake in my own back yard, but as I sniff the air I wonder where that stinky cigar smell is coming from.